Holiday Wreath

I was driving around a couple days ago when I saw the most horrific site ever. A holiday wreath still plastered on some dumbasses car in the middle of march. Ok I will admit up front that I not a big wreath fan, nor do I condone putting those bastards on the front of your car. But leaving my bias aside for just one minute. You got to realize that this person had a fucking holiday wreath on their car (Lincoln Navigator) in the middle of march. How the fuck do you reach that point. I can see leaving your christmas lights up for six month, but a wreath on your car is just plain stupid. You know because wreaths are so hard to get off your damn car. The lady driving the car (no shock here) could accidentally get her purse caught on the damn wreath while walking by and pull it off. Its not fucking hard. Just rip the bastard off. Why must you leave it on? If I see this bastard in July im personally gonna back into this wench. I'm totally serious. Now I'm not being harsh because if it was lets say.......... January 2nd maybe January 3rd I would let this slide. But, March..........March. This is a total abuse of holiday wreath privileges. Its literally an outrage. How am I going to sleep tonight. Fucking holiday wreaths

Why The Rest of the World Believes America is Crazy

T.V. Officially hit a new low tonight if you had a chance to watch Primetime Live on ABC. ABC decided to run a story about Petra Nemcova a supermodel who was present with her boyfriend when the tsunami's hit South Asia. The story goes on about here survival, her boyfriend dying and her feelings. Like anyone really gives a crap, or should give a crap. Honestly, I'm not trying to be mean, but my heart goes out to a Three year old Sri Lankan boy whose mother and father were both killed. Or to a mother who has lost all her children. But what we decide to put on TV is a supermodel who lost a guy who she was fucking. And this is supposed to important how? A hundred thousand people die and you pick this as your story. Thats freaking bullshit and this is one reason why so many people dislike America. Hell, for a split second I dislike us. Its frankly insulting to those who really were devastated by the tsunami's and our news stories should focus more on the local impact of the tsunami in South Asia and not some Supermodel who gets more attention from this whole ordeal.

Nyquil

I got a cold the other day and had to run down to the drugstore to pick up some cold medicine. I'm a big fan of nyquil, it usually puts you right to sleep making the cold go by that much quicker. Anyways I found the box of Nyquil gel caps that had twenty in a box. I get home and rip the little bastard open...Sliding out the little six pack of Nyquil which is on a perforated tin sheet. In each little square of Nyquil there are two pills and there's six squares per sheet and two sheets in a box. If your doing the math at home thats 6x2(pills)= 12 per sheet(allegedly). So total there should be 24 pills in the box. However, Nyquil has cleverly swapped one square of pills with a square filled with air. What the fuck is this. Honestly, how is a packet of air going to help me sleep. You put six squares in the freaking pack, you might as well put some pills in there. Can someone please explain this to me. Its the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever to help you get screwed in the ass medicine. Thanks, but if I wanted a packet of air I would of walked my lazy ass outside. Plenty of free fucking air outdoors and you dont have to spend five minutes trying to open it.
Who are the dumbasses who came up with this idea. If you know, have seen, or have heard anything about these marketing wizards who has came up with this brilliant idea of packaging air please let me know because I want to drop these bastards of a bridge.

Movie Stars

Why the hell do people love movie stars so much? Honestly, people in America act as if these people are special creations of God that have come down from heaven to bless us with there crappy talent. I know there are some fine actors out there and many are good people, but the majority are uneducated douche bags who think the world revolves around them because they get paid lots of money to star in shitty movies. Moreover, what does America's love for movie stars say about America. Just last week I was in a small local diner that is ran by the cook who is the owner and his wife. There are 10 or so tables in the joint and the majority of them were full during the time I was in there. Half way through my meal some famous producer came in, I would rather not mention names, but half of the people in the joint knew who he was. So one by one people go over and start talking to him and you can hear them say "I think your work is great" or "that was fantastic"...You know all the bullshit people would say to famous people. IM not hating this guy because he makes money and has a good profession, but I'm hating the people who talk to him acting as if he cured cancer or AIDS. People stop riding the balls of movie stars...I know we see them on TV or in the movies, but in all honestly they have lives that are just as fucked up as ours. Furthermore, while this country celebrates undeserved movie stars, we tend to forget about the people who really make this world a good place. I'm talking about the underpaid teacher who works long hours or the wounded soldier coming back from his tour in Iraq. Instead, we love to talk about movie stars and many people even idol's these bastards. Honestly, movie stars should just be thankful because in when you look at it...They are just getting paid to entertain a population while the rest of us have to have hard working jobs that pay worse then people who barely have to do anything. In ending, movie stars just as fucked up as everybody else is..If not more. Don't put these people on pedestals like their greatness is unmatched because in all honestly their greatness is only a figment of your imagination.

Buses

What the hell is up with buses? I know what you are thinking.."what is so wrong with buses?" The problem with buses is mere fact that they are too damn big. Everyday I drive around and I see buses designed to hold like 150 people and shockingly there is only two people in the bus...the driver and the typical old man who rides all day long. Surely the bus will be jammed packed at some point having upwards of sixteen people, but what the hell are we doing paying for big ass buses that we dont need. I am basically a genius (not really) but cant we build smaller buses...that get better gas mileages and save us money. But no, everthing we do has to be irrational in some sense, so why could anyone ever do something logical. Buses....why are they so damn big?

Supermarket Line Life Story

What's up with that guy in the supermarket line who proceeds to tell you his life story in the span of five minutes? Everyone should know this story and unfortunately I had the priviledge of dealing with "Supermarket line life story" yesterday mourning. To begin with, I fell asleep the night before the incident at 7pm so naturally I woke up early. I got out of bed around 5:30am and was mad hungry. I decided to go to the store because I was dying for some Count Cocula. At the store I grabbed some 2% and the Count Chocula and proceeded to the only checkout line available. The line was fairly long and I got the pleasure of being stuck behind "the one". I spot this guy instantly and realize this bastard is going to talk my ear off. He stood medium height with an old cap on with a growing mullet. He smelled like ass and his teeth were far and few between. Shockingly the only item he was purchasing was a twelve pack of Miller High Life. I walk up to the line silently hoping to pass under his radar. After a minute or so he turns around and starts talking. Apparently I resemble Dr. Katz even though I'm not bald nor a Jew. This guy gives you all the goods on his life thinking your his temporary psychiatrist. After two minutes of his incoherent speech he stops and takes a breath and at that time I pointed to his Miller High Life and asked "starting early" he replies, "no just finishin up". After he's done with his crappy life story he then continues on by talking about current events. This is all you need, a drunk redneck telling you his opinion on the world at large. He spews on about gas prices, President Bush, and how is gun rack broke in his Ford F-150...I don't know I wasn't really paying attention. Of course the checkout line took forever and was only made worse buy this guy. Not to mention by the time they get to the checkout lady they have started giving their story to the checkout lady as well. I would give a plea calling for all the guys in the Supermarket line who tell their whole life story to us poor victims to please stop, but of course they are all to busy irritating people in line as we speak, but more importantly none of them no how to read anyways so the plea would good unnoticed. The moral of the story is...if your in desperate need of some grub at 6am in the mourning, skip your local supermarket and go pick up some freakin Mcgriddles and avoid the fatal "Supermarket line life story".

Sweat & Sour Chicken

Why are people who work at fast food joints so bitchy? I know they make shitty wages but give me a break for once. Today I went to Panda Express, a local Chinese takeout place, pretty good food at a pretty decent price. However, the Asian lady who works there is a complete bitch. So I walked in and got in line and when it was my turn to order I first asked for the steamed rice. I then scanned over the food and finally said, "Can I get some sweet and sour chicken". The next thing I know the wench is screaming at me like I just killed her favorite bonsai tree or Mao Zedong.."we don't have sweet and sour chicken, we have sweet and sour pork". The shit's all deep fried and looks the same to me. Furthermore, the deep fried "pork" was not mixed in with the sweet and sour sauce so she proceed to say, "do you want sweet and sour sauce". Hello, I said sweet and sour chicken...hence I want the damn sauce. If any Panda employees read this crap...just chill out, do some tai chi and yes I want sweet and sour sauce to fully complete my sweet and sour "pork" don't call me chicken order. By the way, your hot and sour soup taste like liquid ass.

Naked Old Man Pt. II

Went to the gym today and guess who I unfortunately saw...That's right, the naked old man. This time his presence came with a twist because he decided to bring a friend. The sad thing is, his friend looked 15 years older than the original naked old man. What's up with that, he brings a 95 year-old friend with him just so they can walk around nude and the younger one show off his pristine body. Honestly, I walked into the locker room and the two old men were standing naked talking to each other... Three hours later when I walked backed in the locker room after my workout the two nasties where still talking to each other. Is there some kind of secret society that I don't know about in which men gather and talk to each other in the nude. If there's a women's society like this one, please let me know... I would much rather see that discussion group.

Naked Old Man

What's up with the old naked man at your local gym? All fitness clubs have one and everybody knows what I'm talking about. They must give these guys free memberships with the stipulations of them prancing around naked in the men's locker room. Unlike these men I go to the gym to workout, they go to show off their wrinkly flabby body, airing their 80 year-old balls to all that make the fatal mistake of entering the locker room. I unfortunately went into the locker room the other day...And damn. When I first walk in the looker room is quiet and peaceful, and I think I'm home free of the naked old man...I am of course wrong. I first started out by using the restroom which is just feet by the entrance. I quietly moved to the farthest of three urinals all which were unoccupied. While going, I hear the pitter patter of exposed feet on the cold tile...And all I could say was "no way". I hesitantly looked over my right shoulder and consequently saw the ball of wrinkle, of course sporting his famous attire of no drawls. He then continues to walk towards me finally coming to a stop at the urinal right next to me. Just to give a little description (and of that you sick bastards) the part of the locker room in which a person uses to change is a good 100 feet away from the restrooms. This means the old bastard walked a good 100 feet, making sure anybody and everybody sees his old man sack. Furthermore, does anyone else find using the restroom in the nude as sickening? That's all I need to think about, him dripping all the way back towhereverr the hell this bastard came from (sorry but somebody had to say it). This is a plea to all old naked men stalking local gyms around the world Please put your damn drawls back on! Nobody and I mean nobody wants to see you old man sack. Thank you, and please tip your waiter.