Sweat & Sour Chicken

Why are people who work at fast food joints so bitchy? I know they make shitty wages but give me a break for once. Today I went to Panda Express, a local Chinese takeout place, pretty good food at a pretty decent price. However, the Asian lady who works there is a complete bitch. So I walked in and got in line and when it was my turn to order I first asked for the steamed rice. I then scanned over the food and finally said, "Can I get some sweet and sour chicken". The next thing I know the wench is screaming at me like I just killed her favorite bonsai tree or Mao Zedong.."we don't have sweet and sour chicken, we have sweet and sour pork". The shit's all deep fried and looks the same to me. Furthermore, the deep fried "pork" was not mixed in with the sweet and sour sauce so she proceed to say, "do you want sweet and sour sauce". Hello, I said sweet and sour chicken...hence I want the damn sauce. If any Panda employees read this crap...just chill out, do some tai chi and yes I want sweet and sour sauce to fully complete my sweet and sour "pork" don't call me chicken order. By the way, your hot and sour soup taste like liquid ass.

Naked Old Man Pt. II

Went to the gym today and guess who I unfortunately saw...That's right, the naked old man. This time his presence came with a twist because he decided to bring a friend. The sad thing is, his friend looked 15 years older than the original naked old man. What's up with that, he brings a 95 year-old friend with him just so they can walk around nude and the younger one show off his pristine body. Honestly, I walked into the locker room and the two old men were standing naked talking to each other... Three hours later when I walked backed in the locker room after my workout the two nasties where still talking to each other. Is there some kind of secret society that I don't know about in which men gather and talk to each other in the nude. If there's a women's society like this one, please let me know... I would much rather see that discussion group.

Naked Old Man

What's up with the old naked man at your local gym? All fitness clubs have one and everybody knows what I'm talking about. They must give these guys free memberships with the stipulations of them prancing around naked in the men's locker room. Unlike these men I go to the gym to workout, they go to show off their wrinkly flabby body, airing their 80 year-old balls to all that make the fatal mistake of entering the locker room. I unfortunately went into the locker room the other day...And damn. When I first walk in the looker room is quiet and peaceful, and I think I'm home free of the naked old man...I am of course wrong. I first started out by using the restroom which is just feet by the entrance. I quietly moved to the farthest of three urinals all which were unoccupied. While going, I hear the pitter patter of exposed feet on the cold tile...And all I could say was "no way". I hesitantly looked over my right shoulder and consequently saw the ball of wrinkle, of course sporting his famous attire of no drawls. He then continues to walk towards me finally coming to a stop at the urinal right next to me. Just to give a little description (and of that you sick bastards) the part of the locker room in which a person uses to change is a good 100 feet away from the restrooms. This means the old bastard walked a good 100 feet, making sure anybody and everybody sees his old man sack. Furthermore, does anyone else find using the restroom in the nude as sickening? That's all I need to think about, him dripping all the way back towhereverr the hell this bastard came from (sorry but somebody had to say it). This is a plea to all old naked men stalking local gyms around the world Please put your damn drawls back on! Nobody and I mean nobody wants to see you old man sack. Thank you, and please tip your waiter.

Airplanes

Why the hell are there no parachutes on airplanes? Honestly can someone answer this question? I'm not a genius yet I claim to be, but it seems overly logical to put parachutes in modes of transportation that can fall out of the sky. I don't need a goddamn seat cushion that acts as a flotation device when plunging from 35,000 feet I need a damn parachute. Damn, if a plane was going to crash and I was on it, I would take my chance with a parachute and if things didn't work out oh well. You might say I have no idea how to work a parachute but I think I could figure one out on the fly...or at least give me the chance to. I say make my seat a flying device and make it a parachute...is this so much to ask?