Airplanes

Why the hell are there no parachutes on airplanes? Honestly can someone answer this question? I'm not a genius yet I claim to be, but it seems overly logical to put parachutes in modes of transportation that can fall out of the sky. I don't need a goddamn seat cushion that acts as a flotation device when plunging from 35,000 feet I need a damn parachute. Damn, if a plane was going to crash and I was on it, I would take my chance with a parachute and if things didn't work out oh well. You might say I have no idea how to work a parachute but I think I could figure one out on the fly...or at least give me the chance to. I say make my seat a flying device and make it a parachute...is this so much to ask?